Navigating My Sexual Journey and Masturbation
Updated: May 22
Masturbation research shows that it can help relieve and work through stress, boost mood, relieve cramps, and help you better understand your needs. Each of these have benefits. And like all things, it needs to be used in moderation.
When you self-stimulate something as personal and connecting as sexual intercourse is, I have found that the buildup and overstimulation is entirely possible. There can be a void. A deep void.
Even if you are not religious in any way, I urge you to consider that the sexual organs in your body are designed for the connecting and unifying of two souls. When you masterbate you automatically omit the incredible connection that can be formed between two consenting individuals.
Intercourse is designed to be connecting, transcendent, sacred, personal, and full of ecstasy. Masturbation takes away all of these at a price perhaps you may not pay the first, third, or even tenth time around, yet I promise you, you will pay the price of overstimulating yourself.
The penis and the vagina are designed for one another. Each are made with muscles, tension, and designed for pulsing and other movements. When a hand or item is introduced, you are working the sexual organ in a way that is unnatural and proceeding with care and caution is strongly advised.
My Sexual Journey:
In my sexual journey I have gone from sexual intercourse is designed to procreate and to bring children in this world - to create a family together with the one you love.
I struggled with intimacy when I was first married. It was difficult for me to have sexual intercourse 3 times a week. I knew this was a sign of a healthy marriage to have three to five intercourses through the week.
Growing up, I was sexually groomed by my father. He inappropriately touched my body yet never did he sexually penetrate or grope me. For this I am thankful.
As I have navigated my walls and blocks surrounding sexual intercourse, my spouse was patient, loving, and entirely present. I felt that my spouse was listening even if I wasn’t up for continuing sexual intercourse after we talked. This made all the difference.
As I slowly came to understand what was possible with orgasms and with that incredible transcending feeling of ecstasy that came stronger and in more personal ways through sexual intercourse with my spouse, I found myself healing, loving, and connecting more deeply with my husband.
I truly believe that women are made for the beauty that is found in the connection, unifying, and wholeness that comes with sexual intercourse. We have such a capacity for true delight that it is unfathomable to even try to describe what is possible for a woman to experience when being fully loved by her husband.
A husband, must desire to cherish, support, listen to, and caress every part of his wife. It must be respectful and connecting at all times. And as a woman, it is important to work towards and gently support your sexual desires and needs – to express them and to prepare for them.
What I do when Masturbation temptation comes:
Masturbation, is something I have committed not to do. I have given in to the temptation and I have found that it does not bring the same transcendence, the same connection, nor the same joy that sexual intercourse with my husband. I do not think the medical “advantages” outweigh true connection. I also overstimulation is entirely possible and why create a different expectation that what true intercourse can provide?
Here is my process and I hope it will help you as you navigate overcoming the need to masturbate:
I have committed not to do it prior to the experience, I commit to taking God with me through it.
I walk myself through keeping myself. I hold on to what I want to see, who I want to be, and I trust God to see me through it.
I am imperfect. It's my execution of it. I am cautious and I become hyper aware. I have to be honest with myself.
Then I say I will look myself in the mirror and look myself in the eyes knowing I have kept my own honor and integrity.
It is important to assess where, when and about what time of month I am most tempted. I prepare and when I feel the words and feelings come forward I stop and immediately say a prayer .
I envision and I seek to shift my perspective. I sing a hymn. I search for God. He tells me about the truths about sexual intimacy. He walks me through each step. He does not abandon me. In fact, I feel a genuine peace knowing that I have a mastery with my body and that although the sexual feelings are strong, they are designed to connect, to elevate, to transcend, and to inspire true devotion between me and my husband. I hold on to this and I continue through no matter how long it takes to work through the temptation and sensory feelings.
In conclusion:
I hope that something that I have shared with you today will inspire and help you. I desire women to feel entirely alive and adored in their sexual relationships. I have found over the past seven years and counting of marriage that there is much more to intercourse than I ever imagined and it continues to expand as my husband and I draw closer and closer to becoming whole and one in our love for each other.
Resources that have helped me with my sexual journey:
Article written by: Kaitlyn Andrews, Internatinal Life Coach
